Commitments

There was once a time in my life where I was filled with nothing but happiness.  There was no sorrow, no anger, no hatred, no want, no need.  I was surrounded by nothing but beautiful skies, soft grass, and birds singing, but then, I woke up.  When I met my husband I was 19, young, naive, and full of life.  It has been exactly 3 years since we first met, 2 years and 9 months since he proposed, and 10 months (to the day) we were married.  In this time, I have made several commitments to him.  I committed myself to follow him wherever his path may take us. And while I thought I knew what path we were on, a fork has suddenly appeared. This fork is no ordinary fork, this one, will take us back, almost to where we started.  Everything started on Friday.

This past Friday, the real world hit me in the face today.  My darling husband whom I love to death, broached the subject of getting his Ph.D.  I was stunned.  For the first time in his life, my DH had opened himself up to choosing a new path for himself rather than the one he chose and has been working for since he was 8. While this is not a bad thing in and of itself, it does pose some major problems. Because of that pesky army injury, many jobs available in my area, are just physically not possible. It is not the best situation to be in, but I served my country, and I am proud of that fact.  I know that sacrifices must be made in all things, but this Ph.D thing, that is one sacrifice I never expected to need to make.

Because DH is in his last year of his MBA program, and will be graduating in May, this idea, while having merit, needs some serous consideration, and quite quickly as well  My dream of moving to Austin to be closer to my step-son is now gone.  UT is apparently the worst place to get your doctorate if you want to finish in less than 10 years, or so the rumor mill says.  What this means for my family is, sacrifice.  Gone will be the lazy days with my father-in-law, grilling and playing with the cats, gone will be the weekly visits with my step-son every weekend. While I have heard of many women who put their dreams on hold for their husbands, I cannot possibly see how they can do it so easily.  I wish I was as strong as those women who make it look effortless.  The hardest sacrifice for me will not be putting my career goals on hold for a few more years, but will be not seeing my step-son, that child has made every sacrifice I have ever made in my life worth it.  He means more to me than anything in the world, but even if our visits will be limited to major holidays and summers, I hope he will understand. And maybe, just maybe, things will work out in the end.